"They died by suicide." Most of us will have a visceral reaction when we hear that. Many of us will not know how to respond. Many of us will be shocked; even more will respond, "They seemed fine when I spoke to them." Family members will be confused, asking what they could have done, usually saying, " If I only..." Unfortunately, the statistics and research indicate if a person wants to die by suicide, they have made peace with their decision. Suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in America. And the most recent statistics ( from 2022) indicated that 49,476 died by suicide in 2022 with increasing numbers each year since. https://afsp.org/suicide-statistics/
Let's back up for a moment. When did the terminology of committed suicide turn into died by suicide? Around the 2010s, practitioners set out to change the stigma of suicide. They believe that suicide is not a crime or a sin and thus should not be stigmatized. Today's practitioners want to understand a person who has suicidal thoughts and behaviors and treat them with compassion as opposed to condemning them; by limiting the use of negative language and using language that is accurate and sensitive, we can promote a healthier way in which to open conversation about risk and resilience, as well as assisting those bereaved by suicide. Suicide is a form of death; we don't say a person committed a heart attack or a person committed a stroke, so why would we say a person committed suicide?
September is suicide prevention awareness month. Would I love never to have to talk about suicide again, absolutely, but that is not reality. We need to find compassion for people who feel this way and even more compassion for those who have chosen this path. Of course, that is easier said than done, but it doesn't mean we cannot try.
Finally, we all react differently, and your reaction is perfectly acceptable. Just because you weren't in contact with the person for years does not mean you can't have feelings about their death. While on vacation this year, we received the news that my stepfather's cousin, who was only a few years older than me, died by suicide. While I have not spoken to this person in almost two decades, I had a visceral reaction, and my therapist's brain kicked in. However, while having my feelings about it, I also had the awareness that, for some reason, he felt this was the only way. I know his family is beside themselves, and I hope that one day, they will find peace. Just as I wish everyone who has ever gone through this will find peace in the decision your loved one made.
The new suicide helpline number is 988.
If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, please reach out for help.
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